


Every 'Almost'

by incendiarywit (p_diyos)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Spontaneous Vacations, Though not immediately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 13:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13124841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p_diyos/pseuds/incendiarywit
Summary: If some future version of Asahi woke him up and said he was going to be halfway across the country after Nishinoya Yuu knocked on his bedroom window, he would have thought it a dream and gone back to sleep.Sometimes, he wished this were the case.





	Every 'Almost'

**Author's Note:**

> For [tattooedcrow](https://tattooedcrow.tumblr.com)! I’ve had this idea swimming around in my head for awhile and I thought this’d be the best opportunity to try it out. Regardless of the very irresponsible length, I do hope you like it. Happy holidays!

There was tapping on his window. Very loud tapping.

If Asahi were asleep for about two hours more, he wouldn’t have heard it. As it was, it took him two hours to psych himself into the idea of sleep and an hour more for it to happen. He’s only been asleep for thirty minutes, so the tapping was as loud as cymbals crashing a centimeter from his ear.

Eyes half open and mind barely awake, he pushed the covers off himself and dragged his feet towards his window. The person he saw on the other side - and the fact that there was a person on the other side - was enough to bring him to full alertness.

_“Noya?”_

“Hey.” Noya gave Asahi a wide grin like they just saw each other four hours ago; except they didn’t. The last time Asahi and Noya saw each other was nearly two years ago, Noya waving from the window of the bullet train that would take him far, far away. “Could you let me in? It’s kinda cold.”

“How are you even -“ Asahi stuck his head out the window to see half of Noya’s feet balancing precariously on the ledge. The height of Noya’s feet to the ground made his stomach lurch; he was going to be sick. “Okay, okay. That’s not…okay. Please come in, before you fall.”

“Thanks.” Noya grabbed onto Asahi’s arm, and Asahi fought off the surprise as he helped Noya climb into his room. “Good thing you still live here. Would’ve been embarrassing to be knocking on someone else’s window.”

“Not that I’m not glad to see you, but Noya, what are you doing here? You could’ve just called me.”

“I was. Your cell said you were unattended or out of coverage area.”

“What.” Asahi walked over to his desk and grabbed his phone, so sure he charged it at some point before he slept. He kept pressing the ‘home’ button, but the screen remained black. “Oh. I think I forgot to charge it again.”

“Why?” Noya asked. Asahi whipped his head around to see Noya now sitting on the edge of his unmade bed. “You used to keep your phone charged all the time.”

“Uh…” Asahi’s overworked brain stopped functioning at this point. “I don’t know,” he said eventually. “I don’t really talk to anyone that often.”

“No one?” This seemed to surprise Noya a great deal. “What about Suga and Daichi? Asami? Not even Akio?”

Asahi shook his head. It made his insides twist on himself, Noya asking all of these questions. He didn’t really know why he hasn’t talked to his best friends or his siblings either. He just didn’t have the energy.

“But why?” Noya asked again.

“I could ask you that too, you know,” Asahi said. His tongue slowly began to form knots, hindering his words. “Why are you here, Noya? How are you even here - you’re supposed to be in school, aren’t you?”

Noya’s expression didn’t change, but Asahi caught the uneasy shift in his eyes. Anyone else would have missed it, but Asahi was Asahi, and he’s known Noya since he was ten.

“I was in town,” Noya said casually, despite his expression. “I’ve got something to ask, actually.”

“Which couldn’t wait until morning?”

“Yes, it couldn’t wait until morning.” For the first time since Noya came in, he looked uneasy. His grip on the sides of Asahi’s bed loosened and relaxed every few seconds. “I wanna run away. Come with me?”

“What?”

“I wanna go on a trip,” Noya revised, saying the words slowly this time. He looked back at Asahi, and did not pull his gaze away. “Do you wanna come with me?”

Asahi didn’t really understand what Noya was saying. The words were fragmented and didn’t belong, no matter which way he organized it.

It began to sink in - this was actually happening. His childhood best friend, who he hasn’t seen or heard from in two years, knocked on his window in the middle of the night, asking him if he wanted to go on a trip. If he wasn’t sweating through his clothes, he would’ve been convinced that this was all some dream. “You’re serious about this trip?”

Noya nodded. “Pretty serious. It’s just for a few days. I’m thinking of leaving at six.”

Asahi searched for the clock in his room. “That’s two hours from now.”

“Yeah. I was thinking we could get breakfast before leaving, you know? The new twenty-four hour convenience store is finally open.” Noya bit his lip once, watching Asahi warily. “So, what d’you say? Up for another adventure?”

Noya’s words rang through Asahi’s mind like a temple bell. It struck him down to his core, pulling out a memory he hadn't accessed in a while. For a second he wasn’t here, in his bedroom bathed in darkness, with Noya breathing loudly an arm’s length away.

He was at the jungle gym - with the sand seeping into his socks and the sunlight in his eyes. Noya was holding out his hand towards him, two front teeth missing and his devilish smile. Asking him a simple question: _“Do you want to go on an adventure?”_

The answer shone as bright as the moon coming in through Asahi's window. He rose up from his bed, padding towards his closet.

“Give me fifteen minutes,” he said with a resigned sigh.

*

“Not that far now! I think we’re past the halfway point!”

Asahi let out a wheeze, stopping by a large boulder and leaning his entire weight on it. “Noya,” he said, though it was more breath than voice. “You said than twenty minutes ago.”

Noya stopped but didn’t look up, nose buried in the map of his phone. “I know, I know, but I’m sure this time. Reception is getting spotty, so the GPS stops in places.”

Asahi let out another wheeze. He was ridiculously out of shape; his high school self - and Noya’s counterpart - would be disappointed. “How many minutes?”

Noya hummed as his thumb scrolled down his phone. “Maybe another thirty minutes? It’ll get easier from here on out, don’t worry.”

Asahi looked up at the trail they had yet to take. It curved upward and sideways, all while smaller and smaller trees and boulders dotted the sides. It looked like they were about to hike a roller coaster. Asahi’s pounding heart got tired just looking at it.

He looked at Noya, who had just finished taking a drink out of one of the water bottles they bought at the convenience store. Unlike Asahi - who was a dripping mess of sweat and frizzy, misplaced hair - Noya only had a light sheen of sweat covering his forehead and his collarbone. His hair looked as pristine as when they left Asahi’s house, the tufts of red falling across his eyes. In the early morning light, he looked the same as he did before he got on that train two years ago, with only a slightly sharper jawline and slightly tired eyes.

“Why are you doing this, Noya?” Asahi asked once he finally recovered half of the air that had left his lungs.

Noya finally looked away from his phone and turned his gaze to Asahi. “Why’m I doing what?”

“This.” Asahi gestured to their surroundings with a shaky hand. “The spontaneous trip.”

Noya looked around, eyebrow still raised. “I don’t know if I get what you’re trying to say, Asahi-san.”

Asahi exhaled as softly as he could. It was the third time he’s asked this question, and the third time Noya’s either dodged the answer or avoided it completely. “This…road trip we’re doing. Just…why? It kind of feels like you’re running from something.”

“I’m not running from anything,” Noya said, but his tensed shoulders said otherwise. “I just needed a break is all. Do you wanna go back?”

“I don’t.” Asahi couldn’t think of leaving Noya alone, when they were so far away from home. “I’m just - I’m worried. About you.”

Noya seemed to be caught off guard. A cloud of uncertainty and unease passed over Noya’s face, making the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced and the line of his shoulders more fragile. He looked, for a moment, like he was barely holding everything together.

“You don’t have to waste your time worrying about me, Asahi,” Noya said softly. “I’m fine. There are other better things to be thinking about.”

Asahi frowned. He wanted to reach out in space between them, but he was unsure if he should. The time they’ve spent apart made the arms length of space seem like a chasm.

“Like what?” Asahi asked, matching Noya’s tone.

“Plenty things,” Noya answered. He looked back to his phone. “Like psyching yourself up for the rest of the hike. C’mon, we’ve only got twenty minutes left ‘till sunrise!”

“Noya -“

“C’mon!” he said, turning around and walking at a faster pace than earlier. In a few short seconds he was out of Asahi’s sight, lost to the trees.

Asahi called Noya’s name again, but only the crunch of leaves and the crickets answered. With a heavy sigh, he peeled himself off the boulder and walked up to find this unfamiliar Noya.

*

Asahi felt like he was going to be split in two as he watched Noya stop a few feet away from the ticket barrier. They picked a spot away from the rushing businessmen and loud tourists to where Noya could set down his bags.

They’ve skirted around their goodbyes for weeks. Whenever Noya mentioned ‘college’ or Asahi mentioned his new job at the sports center, a heavy silence settled over them. It weighed down Asahi’s shoulders until he was pressed down on the ground, unable to think or breathe, only able to feel the intensity of it and what it meant for them.

Noya was one of his oldest and closest friends. They haven’t been apart since they were ten, not counting the summers Noya went to visit his parents in Okinawa. Asahi didn’t know how he was going to get through saying goodbye, much less watch Noya walk away.

Maybe if he wasn’t so dependent on Noya this would be easier. Maybe if he didn’t feel as comfortable with Noya as he did, he’d be able to say goodbye like a normal person. As it was, Noya had the ability to make him feel safe, feel brave, and like he was actually worth something. This was going to be the hardest thing Asahi has ever had to do in the eighteen years of his life.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Asahi startled, gripping Noya’s backpack that he had slung over his back. Noya looked up at Asahi with his arms crossed in front of his chest, and it make Asahi shrink a little into himself.

“Like what?” Asahi asked.

Noya didn’t reply immediately; he only continued to fix Asahi with a look. Eventually, he exhaled and some of that sternness bled out of his face. “You’re going to break my heart with that face, Asahi. This isn’t goodbye.”

Asahi didn’t know what face he was making for Noya to talk about hearts and breaking. He certainly didn’t want to break Noya’s heart - it was the last thing on earth he’d do, intentionally or otherwise.

“I know,” he said, all while he could feel prickling behind his eyes. “Sorry - I mean…no. I -“

“Stop.” Noya’s expression immediately softened, and he had his hands out in front of himself like he was ready to catch Asahi should he fall. Which has happened a few times before, but for completely different reasons. Asahi wasn’t going to though, not here in a train station full of people.

“Sorry,” Asahi said. Normally Noya would admonish him for apologizing at every given opportunity. The fact that it only made Noya look sadder was a testament to how serious this moment was. How much it meant to both of them. Somehow that made Asahi feel a little better.

“Think of it as a longer summer,” Noya said, voice clear despite the quiet turn it took. “I’ll be back in a month or two to visit, anyway. Don’t be too sad about it.”

“Okay,” Asahi said, despite feeling the opposite. He hated summers; it was the only time of the year that he didn't spend with Noya. Thinking of three months more than usual made him sick.

A light voice came on the announcer, carrying details of Noya’s train and that it was ready for boarding. Silently, Noya held out his hand and Asahi reluctantly handed him his backpack. He slung it over his own back, lifting his duffel bag from the floor without so much as a grunt. He looked at Asahi with as much hesitation as Asahi felt.

“I should go,” Noya said. “You take care of yourself, okay? If I hear wind of anything, I’m taking the first train home.”

It made Asahi laugh. He didn’t doubt that Noya would, but it was a good attempt at humour all the same. “Please stay in school, Noya.”

Noya’s shoulders relaxed. He narrowed his eyes at Asahi and pointed a finger at his face. “Be good.”

Asahi snorted. “Noya, I’m pretty sure that’s my line.”

“Hey!”

“It’s true!”

“I leave for college and you start to get snarky? Who are you and what’ve you done to my Asahi?”

“I _am_ Asahi.”

“Pretty sure you’re not.” As they fell into silence, the heaviness started to sink around them again. Noya gave Asahi a little half smile. “I really have to go. Take care, okay?”

“You too,” Asahi replied weakly, so much that it was practically a whisper. Noya gripped his bag tighter and turned around, walking towards the barrier. With every step he took, Asahi’s stomach sunk lower.

“Noya!” he called just before Noya fed his ticket into the machine.

Noya turned around immediately. Asahi didn’t notice at that moment; but whenever he looked back at the memory, Noya’s eyes looked glassier than before they said their first set of goodbyes.

“Yeah?” Noya asked.

The tenderness of Noya’s voice made Asahi’s heartbeat pick up. He could feel his mouth hanging open, words lodged up in his throat along with his courage. He tried to come up with the words as quickly as he could. He’s already missed out on telling Noya during graduation - couldn’t he tell him now?

“I - I…” Asahi couldn’t do it. The remaining two words stayed stuck. He closed his mouth, forced some air into his lungs, and tried again. “I…I’ll really miss you,” he said instead.

Noya’s face broke. His eyes turned even glassier, and he immediately scrubbed at it with the sleeve of his jacket. “You sap,” he said, and this time his voice cracked with every word.

He dropped his bags and ran, slamming into Asahi’s chest and wrapping his arms around Asahi’s middle. Asahi sniffled loudly as he wrapped his arms around Noya’s shoulders, not wanting to let go.

“I’ll miss you, too,” Noya said. “A lot. Call when I get settled tonight?”

Asahi hesitated. This was it, wasn’t it? When was he ever going to get another chance? Didn’t Noya - who was always so honest and open with him - deserve to know the truth?

Noya’s sadness morphed into concern as he pulled back. “What is it, Asahi? You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

Asahi certainly felt like he was going to be sick. He stepped out of their hug, wiping at his eyes. “It’s - it’s nothing,” he said after a long while. “I’ll be okay.”

Noya didn’t look convinced, but he gave Asahi the softest smile he’s ever seen. He reached out and squeezed Asahi’s arm, not taking his eyes away. “I’ll call as soon as I get to the station, yeah? And as soon as I get my schedule, I’ll visit. Or you can visit me! We’ll do city things together.”

That made Asahi’s stomach settle just a little. “That sounds nice.”

“Sounds great, right?” Noya took his hand away and stepped back. “I really, _really_ gotta go. - my train’s boarding. Will you be okay?”

Asahi nodded. He curled his hand into a fist, pressing his fingernails into his palm. He was going to be fine, he repeated to himself. “I’m sorry for being…like this. I’ll be okay - you should go.”

Noya groaned out loud. “Asahi, I’m about to leave for college and you’re still apologizing for things you don’t have to be sorry for!”

Asahi found it in himself to smile. “I’ll work on it. For the next time.”

“Next time.” Noya began to step back. “Next time, okay? I’m gonna hold to you that. And do something about your hair!”

Asahi touched the bun at the back of his head. “You’re on about my hair again?”

Noya grinned. “No one is going to be more honest with you than me. Daichi-san’s close but he’s not on my level.”

“No,” Asahi said, thinking about the way Noya made his stomach flip on itself. “Definitely not.”

Noya only turned his head to feed in his ticket. When he looked back at Asahi, he was on the other side of the barrier. He might as well be on the other side of the world.

“Take care of yourself!” Noya gave one last wave, nearly hitting the woman walking into his path. Asahi watched as he disappeared into the crowd and finally, out of his sight.

Slowly, until the count of ten, Asahi let out a breath. He steeled himself, both hands curling into fists this time as he let the dam of emotions he was holding off wash over him.

*

Asahi didn’t have much luck getting anything out of Noya for the next three days. Not when they reached the peak of Mount Izumigatake just as the sun began to rise from the clouds. Not when they visited the fox village, Noya cackling loudly as he was surrounded by white-tipped tails. Not even now as they watched the sunset over the bay, the sky bursting with oranges and golds.

“What’s the plan tonight?” Asahi asked, keeping his voice low. Even if they weren’t the only people here, having the viewing deck beside the temple made everything very quiet, save for the distant sounds of water sloshing up the shore below. “Are we staying here?”

Noya hummed, not taking his eyes off the horizon. The sun made his eyes glow, turning into a warm shade of gold. “We could stay here for the night,” he said, voice just as quiet. “That hostel we passed by looks pretty empty. Has a nice view too.”

“I guess.” Asahi turned away from Noya and frowned to himself. It should have been obvious to Asahi at first, but there was something very wrong about Noya. He remembered the way he always held himself, chest puffed out and eyes forward.

This Noya wasn’t the same. He’s learned to be quiet for longer than five minutes, and he knew how to modulate his voice when he only used to have one setting - loud. He still had his head held high and shoulders straight, but it looked like one quick breeze would make him fall apart. He stopped looking Asahi in the eyes. It was a shell of who Noya was, with someone different inside. Someone afraid.

Asahi didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to tell him, if he was still important in Noya’s life that he’d want Asahi’s input. He might as well been traveling with a stranger, one that wore the same face as one of his best friends. And he had an inkling that it was his fault.

“How - how’s college been?” He saw Noya’s shoulders tense. “I’m not going to ask about why we’re doing this. I just want to know how you are. It’s been a long time.”

That didn’t relax Noya at all. He turned his gaze away from the sun that was now gone from the horizon and to the ground in front of him. “It’s fine,” he answered, tone forcibly light. “It’s been awhile, huh? What about you - are you still at the sports center?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m still there. They might make me one of the managers soon, actually.”

“Oh yeah? That’s -“ Noya swallowed. “That’s great, Asahi. You’ve got your life set up for you and everything.”

Asahi snorted. “This coming from the kid from the city? I still live with my parents.”

“Well, you have great parents. I’d live with mine too if I could, you know.”

Asahi heard the wistfulness in Noya’s voice loud and clear. “I know.”

Noya shifted his position, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head on top of it. He never used to do that - it was more Asahi’s thing before he hit his growth spurt. It made Noya look so small; Asahi wanted to reach out, to hug him, to do something.

Instead, Asahi felt the words on his tongue and let them run away from him. “I’m sorry I didn’t call in the last two years. Or text you. I mean - I tried, I really did. I was…” Too absorbed in his own insecurity to admit it to anyone? Too ashamed to tell the person he admired most that he was a failure? “I was busy.”

Noya didn’t look angry, to Asahi’s surprise. He looked like he was expecting it. “It was a two-way street you know. I got busy too. Buried to my ears in schoolwork and training.”

“Still,” Asahi insisted. “I should’ve tried harder. There was so much I wanted to tell you. I saw your texts.”

“I know you did.” When Asahi only answered in an uncertain sound in his throat, Noya squeezed his arm like he used to when Asahi was worried. “Asahi, I promise I’m not mad. It’s on both of us. I’m willing to bury the hatchet if you want to start over.”

“Can we really just do that?” Asahi asked.

“Sure we can. We’re here now, aren’t we? You still agreed to come with me on this spontaneous vacation.”

Asahi couldn’t help but snicker. “Is that what we’re calling it?”

“Shush,” Noya reprimanded, but the corners of his eyes turned up, and Asahi knew he found it funny too, the situation they were in. “C’mon, we’ll shake on it if you want. Make a blood pact or whatever.”

Asahi wrinkled his nose. “No blood pacts necessary,” he said. “If you’re sure. I…really am sorry.”

“I know you are, and I’ll save you your next ten apologies with an ‘It’s okay, Asahi’ ex-ten-plus-one. I’d still like to be your best friend, I always did.” Noya looked uncertain then, like he caught himself speaking. When did he get so self-conscious? “Do you?”

That was the easiest question he’s ever had to answer. “Of course I do, Noya.”

Noya exhaled. “Good. It’d be really awkward if you didn’t.”

“Like you said, I wouldn’t have gone on this trip if I didn’t.”

Noya smiled then, small but more genuine that anything. It made Asahi’s heartbeat pick up speed traitorously, and he was glad that he sat far enough for Noya not to hear it. It was just like Asahi to react this way to the small things about Noya; he hated that he still reacted this way after so long.  

“There’s something else.” Asahi turned his head back towards Noya, and saw how nervous he looked. “About why I stopped calling. There was a time that I - I still…” He paused, biting his lip. He then muttered, “I didn’t really want to talk to anyone from home.”

The revelation hit Asahi right in the face, forcing all the sirens to go off in his head.

“Why?” Asahi asked. “Did something happen with your grandfather? Tanaka?”

Noya hid his face from view, nose squished against his jean-clad knees, and Asahi’s concern grew into full-blown worry. “Nothing happened with them, they’re fine.”

“What? Did someone hurt you?”

Noya shook his head. “Of course you’d be worried about that. No, it wasn’t anything anyone did. I was just…” Noya took a loud breath in, before exhaling through his teeth. “It was me. I just couldn’t face anyone - I just felt so lost.”

It sounded all wrong. Lost was such a familiar concept to Asahi, the feeling of being thrust into a situation and into a world he didn’t fully understand, but to Noya -

Asahi prepared himself to ask the same thing he’s asked for the past three days. “This isn’t like you at all. What’s happened?”

Noya didn’t respond. He kept his face buried on his knees, wrapping his arms around his head to hide his face from view. Asahi waited, pushing away the feeling of dread that built with every passing minute.

The sky had turned purple, darkening at the edges when Noya spoke again. “Fine. Tomorrow I’ll tell you all about it. Everything you need to know.” He sounded defeated, like he fought a war in his mind a thousand times and lost at every turn. “But…let’s enjoy tonight, okay?”

Asahi took in the tremble in Noya’s lip, the exhaustion that ran so deeply in his voice. “Noya, I don’t know. Should we really be doing this?”

That seemed to make Noya even more distressed. “Is it too much for me to ask for some time with my best friend? One that I haven’t spent twenty-four hours with in the past two years?”

Guilt sank down Asahi’s stomach like an anchor. “I’m just worried, Noya.”

“Asahi, I know,” Noya said. “But please, _please_ give me this. Let’s just live life now. I really will tell you all about it tomorrow.”

Noya gave him those wide eyes, pleading and almost glassy, and not even on Asahi’s best day could he refuse him.

*

Noya was all energy when they arrived at the hostel. He scribbled their itinerary for the next three days on scratch paper while supplying Asahi with pictures from his phone. They set off early the next day, their next destination some three hours away by train.

They spoke easier then; not quite like the way they used to, but comfortable enough for Asahi to let a little bit of his guard down. Still, Asahi saw the rigidness in Noya’s shoulders throughout the day, and it reached its peak once they were out for dinner. He was almost as twitchy as Asahi used to be in middle school, eyes darting around the dimly lit izakaya, and restless when they took their seats at a booth near the back, hidden by the maze of walls.

Asahi took this all in with heaps of worry. He could do nothing as their food and four shots of whiskey were laid out in front of them. In his nervousness, he immediately downed one to take away the shakiness in his hands. It burned down his throat and gave him something else to think about.

“Slow down, Asahi,” Noya said, his own glass half empty.

“I’m fine.” Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, Asahi thought to himself. “Is it time?”

Noya pressed his lips together. He knocked back the rest of his shot and set his glass down in front of him. “I was hoping for a second you’d forget. Then I remembered you had the memory of an elephant.”

“Not really an elephant.” Asahi pushed his own glass aside. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, you know. I won’t force you.”

“Yeah, because you’re you.” Noya picked up the half-eaten stick of yakitori, twirling it around. “To be honest, you’re the only one I really wanna admit this to. Everyone else kinda just…I don’t want them to know. They’ll look at me differently.”

“Well, why don’t you tell me what it is first? Whatever it is, I won’t judge you for it. I’ll be right here.”

Noya’s eyebrows furrowed, meeting at the center as he continued twirling the bamboo stick. Asahi worried for a second if it was the wrong thing to say, if it was too much too soon.

Eventually Noya let it go, letting it clatter onto the plate. “I’m taking a leave of absence from school,” he finally admitted.

“A - what?”

“Yeah.” Noya leaned back against his seat and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He wasn’t looking at Asahi anymore. “It starts next semester. The paperwork is nearly done and all. I just have to take finals then I have five months of…nothing.”

Asahi’s head spun. This wasn’t what he was expecting at all. “But why? What happened?”

“Something about me being too volatile. Kept starting fights, kept speaking ‘out of place’. I’m failing two subjects and doing shitty in the rest. I’m on probation from the volleyball team, too, by the way. Pretty sure there’s zero hope of me not getting kicked out at this point.”

It all sounded strange to Asahi, but seeing Noya hunched into himself, eyes wary as he waited for Asahi to speak, was too much. He leaned forward, placing his hand on the table, close to Noya’s. “I’m sure you haven’t,” he said as kindly as he could. “Nothing is completely hopeless.”

Noya eyed Asahi’s hand like it would bite him. “This time it might be,” he said, his voice lined with defeat. “I just always feel…so angry. Everything makes me angry - even the tiniest, stupidest things. And I can see myself hurting people. I don’t want it, I hate it, but I just keep doing it.”

Asahi felt so dizzy with Noya’s words that his vision began to split. The noise of the small groups of people around didn’t help either. He took the time to take the words in, but they moved sluggishly in his mind.

“Asahi. Say something.”

“I’m trying to piece the words together,” Asahi said. He racked his brains for what to say, and wished for the twentieth or so time in his life that he was more eloquent.

“Sometimes,” Asahi began, running on a thought and clinging on. “You’re - you feel angry because you can’t understand what’s going on. And you don’t know where to get the answers from. So you end up taking it out on the world, even if you don’t mean to.”

Noya’s expression changed from agitation to bewilderment. Asahi felt his skin prickle, and he looked away with his face burning. What was he thinking - when did he become the one to motivate Noya?

“That’s…”

Asahi’s stomach sunk. “Kinda stupid?”

“No!” Noya said loudly. “Not stupid - don’t think that. You’re right. That - that makes so much sense. That’s exactly it.”

Asahi looked back at Noya. “I’m right?”

“Yes! I’m angry because I -“ Noya caught himself then, realizing how loud he’d gotten, and he lowered his voice. “Because I don’t…I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I’m just…scared, Asahi. I’m scared of what’s happening to me. I’m scared of - of almost everything.”

If Asahi thought he was shocked from what he heard before, it was nothing to how he felt now. The last word he would have ever pinned on Noya was ‘scared’. It just wasn’t in his nature. He watched Noya for nearly half his life face every challenge, every obstacle, every hurdle with a determined set to his eyes and courage embedded in the fibers of his soul. That’s what made Noya so great; what made him so admirable to every person who encountered him.

Asahi, like everyone else, believed that Noya was infallible, invincible, and born without fear.

Except he wasn’t, and Asahi used to know Noya’s fears better than anyone. He remembered Noya hiding behind his shoulder when Noya’s grandfather brought home a tiny puppy. He remembered Noya’s loud scream when a bee flew into his face. He remembered how Noya clung to his shirt when Noya first slept over at Asahi’s house, not letting go until the morning.

Their time apart made Asahi forget that Noya, like everyone else, was unbearably and remarkably human.

“Noya, that’s a perfectly normal fear to have,” he said. “I have that fear, and I know so many other people who have those fears, too.”

“Not for me! I used to know exactly who I was, and I never used to be afraid of the future. But now? Scares the shit out of me.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell anyone?”

“I tried! God, I’ve tried to tell everyone! But you know what they all said? ‘Nishinoya? Scared? This has got to be some kind of joke.’ They think I’m kidding and I just…I hated it. It made me feel so small and helpless and I fucking hated it. I thought I was being stupid. No one understood me.”

“You could have asked me. I would have understood.”

“You?” Noya said in a tone that made Asahi shrink into himself. “Asahi, you’re…”

Asahi cursed quietly. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for him to bring this up. “I know.”

“Wait no!” Noya exclaimed, though it was drowned out by the noise around them. It was enough to get Asahi to startle and to derail his train of thought. “Whatever it is your mind is telling you, that’s not it. I know you. I meant that you’re…brave.”

Asahi didn’t understand - him, brave? And for Noya of all people to be saying this to him? “I was never brave, Noya. I only felt that way because of -“ He caught himself then, clapping his hand over his mouth so hard his nose stung. He almost said it, almost blurted it out.

Noya raised his eyebrow, completely lost. “What?” he asked. “You felt that way because of what?”

Asahi ground his teeth together before he could say anything embarrassing. Or too revealing. “Nothing,” he mumbled.

“What! That doesn’t sound like nothing!”

“We can get back to it later,” Asahi said quickly, feeling his palms growing sweaty. He couldn’t talk about this right now. “What did your grandfather say?”

Noya paled, backing down instantly. “Well, he doesn’t…know yet.”

Asahi inhaled sharply. “Noya -“

“I know, I know. God, that geezer might be halfway to Tokyo right now, or whenever he finds out. I think the school is going to call him this weekend. That’s why I was in town, actually.”

“You were going to tell him?”

“Well, better me than a phone call right? But…I don’t know. I stood there in front of my house for an hour, at least. I couldn’t do it, so I went to you.”

“And here we are?”

Noya let out a long sigh. He looked so very tired, the light hanging above them casting long shadows underneath his eyes. “It’s a mess, isn’t it? Everything’s a mess.”

Asahi hated the way Noya looked right now. He hesitated for a minute before he placed his hand on top of Noya’s. He felt the bones of Noya’s knuckles underneath his palm, and he gently gave Noya’s hand a squeeze.

“Nothing that can’t be fixed,” Asahi said. He thought about Daichi and Suga and their monthly phone calls that went on late into the night. It was the only set of experiences similar to Noya’s that he had access to. “It’s just a setback. You’ll be back in school again. Just…maybe just do your best for the next month, so the whole semester won’t go to waste.”

Noya’s eyes looked at Asahi’s hand with an expression Asahi couldn’t pin down. The frown on his face however, made things clear with how it seemed almost plastered on. Asahi worried that maybe it was too simplistic, but what more could he say? He stopped schooling after graduating high school, he stayed in their small town. Not much has changed in Asahi’s life.

Asahi was just about to issue an apology when Noya spoke first. “Okay.”

It rang between the two of them, and Asahi immediately picked up the underlying set of determination in his tone. Asahi didn’t expect Noya to agree with him so quickly. Or at all.

“Really? That’s it?”

“Well, I trust you.” Noya said it like Asahi should’ve known. Like it was universal truth. “Not like I haven’t considered it all before. Hearing you say it though makes me feel less stupid.”

Asahi bit his lip. “You know…it won’t be easy.”

“It’s not easy now,” Noya said in return. The shadows under his eyes seemed to retreat. “And the five months gap? What do you think I should do then?”

Asahi could feel prickling on his neck - he wasn’t used to this, to Noya turning to him for advice. It used to be the other way around. “Well, that’s up to you. Maybe…find a job in the meantime? Go home, if you want.”

That made Noya pull back, his hand slipping out from under Asahi’s. The openness he showed retreated back into the dark. “I can do that?” he asked, voice quiet and unsure.

“Of course. It’s not the end of everything, Noya. It’s…really annoying of me to say, but there really is so much more to life than just this. And you won’t be alone.” With a small surge of bravery, Asahi added, “You’ve got me, if it’s any consolation.”

Noya looked surprised, mouth hanging open slightly. “Yeah?”

All the blood rushed to Asahi’s face. He was probably as red as a fire truck now, what with the alcohol and embarrassment. “Of course,” he said, courage retreating as quickly as it came. “I - I want to be there with you. Be your friend again, if you want.”

For the first time that day, Noya gave a genuine smile. He placed his hand on top of Asahi’s this time. “Is that even a question?”

The muscles in Asahi’s body relaxed - he didn’t even realize he was tense all this time. He found it in himself to smile back at Noya. It was the final piece - what they’ve both waited for without really knowing it. Despite the years and experiences that separated them, here they were together again.

And maybe that was enough. Maybe things would get easier for both of them starting now. Asahi’s head spun just thinking about it, all the possibilities.

Noya slammed his other hand on the table, startling them both. “Okay, I’m done. I’ve hit my emotional quota for the night - no, for the year,” he said. He took one full shot glass in one hand, and pushed the other full one towards Asahi. “C’mon.”

With less hesitation, Asahi picked up the glass. “Are we toasting?”

“Yeah we’re toasting.”

“To?”

Noya looked up at the ceiling, searching for answers. Asahi got distracted by the pale expanse of his throat, and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed before he looked at Asahi again.

“To us,” Noya said. “And whatever future we have left.”

Asahi felt his face heat up. “We still have a future, Noya. Or you do, at least.”

Noya didn’t relent, keeping his glass raised. “So do you. Now, toast.”

*

Asahi’s vision was still swimming, along with his mind and his stomach. He had one arm around himself and the other against the wall, trying to steady himself. “I’m sorry.”

A sigh came from beside him. “That’s the sixth time you’ve said that, Asahi.”

“Sorry,” Asahi managed to say before he felt the rushing up his throat again. He bent over and let everything out again.

After that particular spell, Noya spoke again, “Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t drink? We could have just gotten a beer.”

Asahi closed his eyes. “I do drink, just not often.”

“You do know whiskey is forty-proof, right? You have to drink a little more than ‘not often’.”

“I was nervous.”

“Of what? Me? I’m the last person you should be nervous around, Asahi.”

Asahi wanted to concur, but he couldn’t find the ability to speak. Noya always made him nervous, but tonight especially so. He felt he spoke too much about his feelings that Noya must know about Asahi’s feelings for him by now. It was a miracle he was still with Asahi at this point, waiting for him to stop throwing up.

“Better?” Noya asked after a long while.

Asahi opened his eyes. He almost nodded, but caught himself before he could. It would have sent him on another dizzy spell. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” His voice sounded weak and pathetic, which only added to how horrible he felt.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” Asahi said, even weaker than his previous response.

“Okay.” Noya placed his hand on the small of Asahi’s back and began to lead him gently. “Let’s get back to the hostel. We’ll take it slow.”

“What?”

Noya’s expression didn’t match his tone - he looked exasperated and tired. “I said come on, Asahi. It’s late.”

Asahi allowed himself to be lead, all while he processed the tone of Noya’s voice. They walked out of the alleyway of the izakaya and into the streets, following the glowing line of streetlights as the road sloped upward.

Asahi dragged his feet on the sidewalk, his footsteps sluggish and slow, but Noya didn’t walk any faster. He matched Asahi’s pace, his hand on Asahi’s back steady and grounding.

They didn’t speak until they reached the hostel. Asahi wondered what Noya could have been thinking about, but his face held no clues. He looked to Asahi on occasion, checking how he was, before he turned his eyes to the road again. It only made agitation in Asahi grow.

Noya let him shower first. The steam helped clear his muddled mind and wash away whatever embarrassment and shame from inconveniencing Noya. The latter was the more difficult of the two to let go.

When he returned, Noya pointed to a glass of water on the nightstand before disappearing into the bathroom. Asahi rummaged through his backpack for his sweats and loose shirt before drinking the water, instantly feeling more stable on his feet afterwards. He combed through his hair quickly before he got into bed.

Noya followed soon after. He quickly scrubbed his hair with the towel, getting as much moisture out as he could. There must have been a gap in Asahi’s memory, or he must have spaced out - next thing he knew, Noya pulled up the covers and lay down next to him. He was so close to Asahi; he could feel the light puffs of air every time he breathed.

The proximity should have made Asahi’s heartbeat go into overdrive. Instead he felt nothing but calmness and comfort, his muscles unclenched and his body sinking comfortably into the bed.

Noya scooted closer. The light from the street lamps outside their window illuminated his eyes, turning them sharper as he watched Asahi in the dark.

“You don’t look tired,” Asahi remarked.

“I feel tired though,” Noya replied, voice low and quiet between them. “Bet you’re exhausted.”

Asahi hummed, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. The truth was he was somewhere in the middle - in between wakefulness and weariness. It would take him maybe another hour to sleep.

He saw Noya’s fingers in front of his eyes. He had reached out and pressed his fingers against the corner of Asahi’s forehead. In one slow movement, he smoothed down the skin.

“Noya, what are you doing?”

“Stopping you from getting wrinkles. If you’re worried you ruined tonight, you didn’t. I had a great time, minus emotional vomit and watching you actually vomit.”

Asahi wrinkled his nose. He was glad that he wasn’t nauseous anymore - the mention would have induced it had Noya said this an hour ago. “I’m not worried. Just thinking.”

“What about?”

“If I’m still drunk.”

“Maybe a little. You only puked once anyway.”

Asahi groaned. “Let’s stop mentioning puke, please.”

“Fine.”

Noya pulled the covers up until his neck. It made him look smaller, made him look his age. He looked calmer too, none of that restless energy hummed through him and his shoulders were sagged against his pillow. It filled Asahi’s heart with relief.

“It’s weird, isn’t it,” Noya said. “How things turned out.”

“What do you mean?”

Noya was silent for a few seconds. “Like, our high school selves would’ve never believed us if we told them we stopped talking for two years, then went on a spontaneous backpacking road trip.”

“I would have believed me,” Asahi said. “It’s not completely off tangent from something you’d do.”

Noya shook his head against the pillow, the movement crunching the crisp pillow sheets. “I would have asked you a few days before. The high school version of me would’ve, I mean.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Asahi said gently. “My answer would’ve been the same.”

Noya’s expression was indecipherable even in the low light. “I wish we were still in high school. I was happier then. Volleyball club, going out with friends, summers - no future stuff. High school version of me knew exactly what he was doing.”

“I was always miserable in the summer,” Asahi said at once, before he could even process his words.

“I know. I always found that weird. You hate the cold, but you don’t like the heat either.”

“It’s…it was never that.” Asahi sank his head further into his pillow, hoping it would hide his face. “I hated it because you weren’t there.”

“Oh.”

“It’s okay,” Asahi said. “I got used to it eventually. It made me appreciate it having you around more.”

The shock in Noya’s face turned into a storm of emotions. Asahi couldn’t tell which one was more prominent; he seemed to be debating on which to feel first.

“Asahi?”

Asahi noted the quietness in the way Noya said his name. He could feel his palms grow sweaty; he wasn’t ready to hear this. “Yeah?”

“Why’d you agree to come with me?”

Out of Noya’s number of questions throughout the entirety of their trip so far, this was the most important one of all. One Asahi wasn’t sure how to answer, if there ever was a right answer at all.

“I didn’t want to let you go alone,” he said instead, because that was the closest thing he could say without exposing himself.

Noya did not look appeased. “That’s not a real answer, Asahi.”

“What do you want me to say, Noya?”

“The truth.”

“It is the truth.”

“You know what I mean, Azumane Asahi.”

Asahi took in a deep breath. “Because I care about you,” he tried again.

Noya scooted closer. His head was on half of Asahi’s pillow. Asahi could count his eyelashes from how close he was. “How much?” he challenged.

Asahi only felt mildly afraid. “Too much.”

“What’s too much to you these days?”

“The same as it ever was,” Asahi said. “Too much that I end up overthinking it.”

“But you overthink everything, Asahi.”

The words tumbled out of Asahi’s mouth before his mind could catch up. “Not the way I feel about you.”

Noya immediately kept quiet. He did nothing but stare at Asahi, his eyes searching for something that only he was privy to. Asahi waited, keeping his breath as even as he could, for any sort of reaction. Time slowed until it nearly stopped, and all Asahi could hear was both their quiet breathing.

“We should sleep,” Noya resolved. “You’re probably exhausted.”

Time sped up again, returning to its normal pace. Noya backed away from Asahi’s pillow, rolled over until his back was to Asahi and faced the window, where the street lamp’s light was brightest. He said nothing else after that.

Asahi felt nothing. Maybe it was his mind’s way of protecting him; maybe he still really had alcohol lingering in his system. He watched Noya’s back, the line of his body illuminated in burnt orange, until his eyes closed of their own volition.

*

Noya wasn’t there when Asahi woke up.

Asahi let the scenes from last night roll in his head like a movie reel, smiling in some and slapping his palm on his forehead in others. He thought he’d know what it’d feel like to be rejected, to have his face heat up until it was near boiling with regret, but surprisingly he just felt hollow.

In the end, it was fine that Noya didn’t like him in return. Asahi didn’t expect him to, not even for a second. It was enough to have Noya back in his life, especially when he thought he would’ve stayed lost forever.

Asahi heard keys twinkling outside his door. Noya stepped into the room, hair unstyled and soft around the angles of his face. He looked up, saw Asahi awake, and stopped.

“Hey,” Noya said, voice painfully neutral. “You’re up.”

“Yeah, I’ve been up for awhile,” Asahi replied. “Where’d you go off to?”

Noya pointed to the ceiling. “Just to the rooftop. I needed time to think.”

Asahi’s chest felt tight all of a sudden, and he didn’t understand why. He tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Noya watched Asahi with wary eyes, like he was afraid he was going to spill more secrets. Or vomit again. Asahi did feel like he was going to vomit again.

“Hey um…” Noya approached the bed slowly, looking around the room. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. “So, about what you said -“

“It’s okay!” Asahi found himself saying, rising from the bed and sitting on the edge instead. “Just - just forget it.”

All the emotion drained out of Noya’s face. “So you didn’t mean it?”

“I did!” Asahi said. “I do mean it! I just - I just don’t want to inconvenience you with the way I feel. I don’t want things to change between us.”

Noya brought his hand up to his forehead, closing his eyes. He sighed loudly. “It’s just like you to think that way,” he said, mostly to himself. He breathed in and out for a few seconds before opening his eyes again. Some of that anger drained away from his face. “Asahi-san, the last thing you’d be doing is… _inconveniencing_ me with the way you feel.”

“But -“

“Wait, let me talk first.” Noya crossed the remaining space between them and took a seat next to Asahi on the bed. “I just need to tell you this before we get to the important part. Asahi, do you want to be in my life?”

“Of course,” Asahi replied without missing a beat.

“Good, ‘cause I do, too. A lot.” Noya looked right into Asahi’s eyes, and Asahi could only hold his breath in anticipation. “I don’t care that we haven’t spoken for two years, or that our lives are totally different from how they were before. I wanna keep you around. Nothing you can do or say is going to make me leave. Got that?”

Asahi blinked. He didn’t expect that at all, but he felt his chest loosen from all the built-up tension.

“Got that?” Noya asked again.

“I - yeah. Yeah, I got that.” Asahi exhaled, revelling at the feeling of air leaving his lungs. Lighter, that was it. He felt lighter. “You know it’s the same for me.”

“I know,” Noya replied, but his shoulders relaxed nonetheless. “I’ve…I’ve always known, I think. But it helps to hear you say it.”

His voice had drifted off at the end, as if he were admitting something secret, something that mattered a great amount. This was the most honest Noya has ever been, even more than he was last night at the izakaya. Asahi didn’t know what to do with his honesty, or what he did to deserve it. He didn’t think his confession would have led to this.

“So…what’s the important part?” Asahi asked.

Noya held up his hand, inches away from Asahi’s face. “You’re gonna have to give me a second on that one,” he said. “I spent the entire morning trying to wrap my head around it.”

That didn’t help loosen the remaining knots in Asahi’s stomach. “That’s…ominous.”

“One second.” Noya closed his eyes tightly, like he was overcome with a sudden migraine. His hand on his lap curled into fists, turning white. It was only a minute before he opened his eyes again. “This isn’t easy for me, admitting things.”

Asahi tilted his head. “You did fine just now.”

“Yeah, because that stuff was obvious. This I kind of…I kind of learned to bury. I never thought I’d ever say it, least of all to you.”

Asahi felt his muscles lock in all at once. He didn’t like where this was going. “And?”

Noya caught the squeak in Asahi’s voice. His eyes softened, and the look he gave Asahi was so tender that it made him even more nervous. It could only mean he was going to say something really bad.

“Asahi,” Noya said carefully, his voice shaking a little. “What you said last night -  I don’t want you to take it back. I - I feel the same.”

Asahi felt like a train derailed. “I - what?” he said. His mind tried to connect Noya’s words to their meanings, but it was like the connections were fried. “You mean you…really?”

Noya snorted, his expression a mix of nervousness interlaced with a certain fondness Asahi’s only seen directed at him. “Asahi. The only person who didn’t know I was in love with you was _you_.”

Asahi was at a loss for words. He must be in a dream, or a really twisted nightmare made to look like a dream. “But - that doesn’t make sense,” he said honestly. “Since when?”

Noya exhaled, running his fingers through his hair. “I figured it out the summer after fourth year,” he said. “I just saw you at the train station waiting for me like you always did, and…I knew. Everything before that, all the things I felt towards you finally made sense.”

His expression fell, mouth pulled down and eyes turning away. “But everyone knew before me - they’ve always known. Ryuu said I was pretty obvious. They kept telling me to tell you, but I just kept shooting them down.”

A myriad of questions spread through Asahi’s mind, one more pressing that most, echoing loudly against the walls of his mind. “Why?”

Noya bent his head, looking as small as he did last night at the izakaya. “I wasn’t ashamed of it, before your mind can go in that route.” Noya looked at his hands. “I was…I accepted it. But I didn’t think you had to know.”

Asahi felt hollow all of a sudden. “Oh.”

“Not because you weren’t worth telling!” Noya clarified immediately, the volume of his voice causing the words to bounce against the walls. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think I deserved it,” Noya elaborated. “A chance with you, I mean.”

Asahi frowned. “That’s not for you to decide, Noya.”

“I know that now, that’s why I was going to tell you at the end of this trip.” He smiled then, soft and genuine - a stark difference from just seconds before. “But you beat me to it.”

Asahi felt all the blood rush to his face. “Now I wish I did it properly.”

“No, no take backs!” Noya exclaimed, grabbing on to Asahi’s arm like he might bolt. “You’re not allowed to take it back. I love you, Asahi. And you love me. Done deal.”

Asahi felt lightheaded with the gravity of those words, spoken aloud for the walls to hear. Noya’s hand on his arm made his brain short-circuit. He couldn’t understand how this was happening to him. “You love me?”

“Yeah.” Noya’s expression softened again, the same one as earlier. His voice took on the same tone as he continued, “I do. I love you.”

Asahi felt an intense fluttering in his chest, more than it has ever been before. “It’s…strange to hear you say it,” he admitted.

Noya’s brows pulled together in the middle. “What’s so strange about it? You’re you,” he said, like that was the answer to everything.

 _Exactly_ , Asahi wanted to say. _I’m not much, and yet you still want me_. “And you’re you,” he said instead.

“That makes no sense.”

It made all the sense to Asahi; out of everything they just talked about, it was the only thought he could understand without his mind going into overdrive. He’s spent a good chunk of his life in hiding - in guilt, and in shame of his feelings for his best friend. To hear Noya - bright, brave, but so very human - say the things Asahi kept locked up inside him, and for Noya to mean it, for him to look at Asahi the same way Asahi felt about him -

It made no sense. And maybe things weren’t meant to make sense. Maybe things were just supposed to _be_ , just like how they were now.

Noya squeezed his arm to get his attention. “You’re being scarily quiet,” he said.

“I’m just…” Asahi didn’t really know what he was doing. “I’m processing.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking this is all some weird dream, and that I’ll probably wake up in my room at home, and we still haven’t spoken in two years.”

Noya squeezed his arm again. “Well, I’m gonna tell you right now that it’s not.”

“I hope it’s not.”

Noya smiled for the first time that morning, and it made Asahi smile back. With courage, he removed Noya’s hand from his arm and took it in his, their fingers lacing together as their palms met. It didn’t matter that Asahi’s hand was sweaty; Noya’s hand was warm in his, and he was looking at Asahi like there was nothing else he’d rather do.

They stayed in the room until the sun blazed high and bright, filling the room with white yellow light. Remaining as they were, knees touching, linked hands between them, talking in low voices filled with affection. Asahi felt himself smiling all throughout their conversations, and whenever he looked, Noya was too.

*

After another day, while they packed up their things in their hostel room, Noya finally made the decision to go home.

“I have to face the music some time, I guess,” Noya said beside him, stuffing a pile of hastily folded clothes into his duffel bag.

Asahi smiled. “You can do it,” he said, because he had no doubt. “It’s not as bad as you think it’s going to be, telling your grandfather.”

Noya shrugged. “Yeah. He’ll probably be more freaked out about us.”

Asahi paled, hands hovering over his unzipped backpack. He’d forgotten about that one factor. “Will he really?”

Noya caught his expression and immediately laughed. _“No_ , he loves you,” he said. “He just likes scaring you a bit.”

Asahi let out a loud whoosh, the sudden build-up of nervousness leaving with it. “Now I know where you get it from.”

“Hey!” Noya grabbed one of his balled up socks and knocked it against Asahi’s arm.

Asahi laughed. He picked the sock off the floor, until a thought held on to him and sent him sinking. He was quiet for a second too long; Noya’s expression faltered as a result.

“What’s wrong?”

Asahi bit his lip, the words in his mind weighing him down and making him want to run and hide. “If I was a little braver, it wouldn’t have taken this long.”

“What wouldn’t have taken long?”

“This,” Asahi said pointing between him and Noya. Asahi’s hands twitched with the impulse to take Noya’s hand; he’d gotten used to the comfort, the ease of it. “We would have had more time.”

Noya didn’t reply. Instead, he reached up and placed a hand on the side of Asahi’s face. Asahi looked to see none of the sadness he felt reflected in Noya’s eyes - only bright, unfailing hope.

“We have time now,” Noya said firmly. “And in the future. I mean, that’s what you’ve been telling me, and I wanna believe it.”

Asahi leaned into the warmth of Noya’s hand. “Still. I think about all the times I could’ve told you but didn’t.”

“Well, I didn’t tell you either, did I? It’s not our fault we didn’t know, Asahi. You can’t keep dwelling on what almost happened. I’m starting to learn that it’s just the way life is.”

The smile that formed on Asahi’s face felt bitter. “Every ‘almost’ has wasted us time.”

Noya didn’t look pleased. With a determined set to his eyes, he placed his other hand on the other side of Asahi’s face. He didn’t allow Asahi to look anywhere else, his gaze demanding all his focus.

“I want you to listen to me.” Noya’s voice rang clearly through the space around them. “All the times we could have told each other but didn’t? Leave it - forgive ourselves for it right now. All that time we’ve wasted in the past doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t it?” Asahi asked.

Noya shook his head. “Asahi, what matters is that all those moments, every ‘almost’ has led to this. It has brought us to this moment, brought me to you.”

Asahi felt like someone tossed him into a whirlpool; yet he didn’t sink. It was happiness, he realized, that was keeping him afloat. “I suppose you’re right,” he said.

“I know I’m right.” Noya stepped further until Asahi’s space, until they were chest-to-chest. “I want you to believe me.”

Asahi had half his attention on the conversation, another on Noya’s lips just inches from his. He licked his own lips instinctively. “I do believe you,” he said in a low voice.

Noya chuckled without sound, his teeth peeking out from behind his lips. “You’re distracted.”

“I - yes.”

Noya pulled Asahi down a little, and he followed. There was a dark look to his eyes, one that Asahi was becoming increasingly familiar with. “And I’m distracting you?”

Asahi held his breath. “A little.”

“Good.”

Noya closed the gap, pushing himself up to meet Asahi’s lips, and Asahi melted. He placed his hands on Noya’s hips to bring him even closer, until there was no space left. The fire below his stomach ignited.

Asahi hasn’t gotten the time to get used to this. He could still count the number of times they’ve kissed over the span of two days, but Asahi already knew the feeling wouldn’t change. It would always make his heart leap of out his chest, always make him wonder how he got Noya back into his life in the span of a week.

It wasn’t until much later that Noya pulled away. Or Asahi did, he wasn’t sure. Noya gave a tiny smile and kissed Asahi one more time before returning to the task of packing his bags. Asahi followed suit, glancing at Noya every other while, their arms knocking against each other purposefully.

“So.” Noya zipped up his duffel bag and threw it over his shoulder. He gave Asahi a bright smile, cheeks pink. “Ready to go home?”

The question rang in Asahi’s mind for a long time, even hours after he’d answered it. He thought of standing in the playground, looking up at the boy whose smile rivalled the sun behind him. He thought of the same boy, frantic and desperate, who’d climbed into his room so many nights ago. He thought of the question again and again, turning it inside out.

Home meant something different now; it stood less than an arm’s length away from him, waiting for an answer.

Asahi nodded, slinging his backpack over his shoulders. With his hands free, he took Noya’s hand in his, and felt his chest ease with the knowledge that he was right where he wanted to be.


End file.
